I am President Fleabag

I have been keeping track of my dreams for 18 months now. Occasionally the dreams are so detailed and twisty that I wake up wanting to turn them into short stories or films. Most of the time I wake up annoyed that my subconscious still spends so much time processing anxiety. I love when my friends show up in my dreams, feel blessed when people who have passed on are there, and am embarrassed of how often celebrities are in attendance.

I often post these on Instagram but, since I have a backlog, I’m positing the last batch here.

5/7 - Earthquake! Wasps!
5/8 - Bean's new haircut is gonna be so cute.
5/9 - Why are you here at Homecoming? I'm suspicious.
5/12 - Foxtails and pregnancy brain
5/13 - A long time in the movie theater, a long time in the bathroom
5/14 - Stunt on me?! I'll show you!
5/18 - An epic party for Kristina with speeches, food, and the cops; then Sahar and I get kicked out of the movies in Baltimore for being too California.
5/20 - Today is her first day but i don't remember what i hired her for. (Full dream: I came in to find that the whole office had been reconfigured yet again — those of us who still have dedicated workspaces had had those spaces cleared out without us being informed; the restrooms had been expanded, which was great, except that the stalls were labeled "1" and "2" (yep) which confused and embarrassed everyone and therefore held up the line; the lobby had been completely reconfigured to look like a BART station and I couldn't figure out how to get out onto the sidewalk in front of the building; and to top it al off, the receptionist kept calling me to tell me that my new hire was waiting in the lobby for me but I couldn't for the life of me recall what I had hired her for, and couldn't find any evidence in my inbox or in the system anywhere to help me out!)
5/24 - Don't leave yet, we haven't done karaoke!
5/27 - I got a job at See Tickets.
5/30 - Dinner with podcasters goes extremely awry, ending in nudity, naps, and arrests.
6/4 - This after-work yoga class at the office is not what i thought it would be.
6/7 - I'm part of a wedding party in Vegas and the bartender knows my name (to be fair it's because she works a bunch of other places, too). Also my sister and I are doing shots, which is obviously fucked up.
6/9 - Reading an article about Pulp in a paper I used to write for, by someone who used to work for me and featuring backstage photos of the dog of someone who haunts me.
6/13 - Things keep blowing away (laundry, a computer monitor, the dog) and every time i go after them, the neighborhood is more chaotic, and I accidentally return to different wrong house first each time. This is preceded by a work event speaker who casually mentions the war in Israel and Palestine.
6/14 - Burning Man with the whole family
6/17 - Something about flatware?
6/25 - I meet Mick Jones in the street and tell him the wrong story.
7/2 - Old friends, new kinds of connection
7/4 - A difficult family vacation
7/10 - I am President Fleabag and I won both the popular and electoral college votes but still the white house staff gives me no respect or resources.
7/11 - Back to high school at my age to get the degree i apparently failed to earn; after less than a week I decide it's not worth it,
7/18 - My former newsroom colleagues advise me that, when incriminated in my current workplace, I should deny, deny, deny.
7/19 - A Very Special Episode about finding a career coach.
7/21 - At a baby shower in the suburbs, a demon begins to possess the men, and they, one by one, break up with their wives in front of everyone. This is exacerbated when I put on the host's goth brother's skeleton pajamas, and the demon starts killing. I do manage to get a photo of the demon before this escalation, when I'm taking a polaroid selfie of my new outfit in a full length mirror. Goth sister and brother come home; we try to process what's happened and i say something embarrassing. Henry is there and saves the day.
7/28 - The concept for the clothing line is "zebra," ya dig?
7/29 - Tailgating at the big box store in Jacksonville.
8/5 - Marcos and I and one other friend are kidnapped and held hostage by some kind of cult. This is not a good dream.
8/6 - Late for a press conference with the new chancellor, because my skirt keeps changing on me.

On 8/9/24 we said goodbye to our 16-year-old dog, Lord Henry Humongous. He shows up in a few dreams below, as do Nick Cave and Leonard Cohen, to comfort me.

8/14 - The ants are ruining this picnic but Jean doesn't care.
8/15 - Various giant alien slugs and bugs are pouring out of the apartment, so let's not stay here, Ok?
8/18 - Group stop at the convenience store, disgusting bathroom, beautiful garden, and a limo ride with Nick Cave.
8/21 - Henry came to visit, waking us by crumpling through a pile of butcher paper by the bedroom door to come cuddle with us in bed.
8/22 - Reading books in bed with Robyn Hitchcock
8/24 - The marching band's bus broke down and there are other problems, but Henry is at home, asleep, and a little Jack Russell has just mysteriously arrived.
8/26 - The surprise party is poorly executed but the birthday girl is happy; I let a strange woman do my makeup in the bathroom for a $5 tip; and when I return, Leonard Cohen is leaving (and not in the best mood, I might add).
8/27 - We move into a house in Richmond with Serina and Paul; it's too small for four people but they have such nice stuff, and Nicole and Sander live on the same street.
8/28 - Taken captive. Bad dream.
8/29 - Taylor Swift and Harry Styles show up at a party at my apartment. We're young and everyone is wondering why they're there but I insist we be nice to them. (They showed up at a random party, after all.) We play "Scenario" in the tiny kitchen.
8/30 - We're at a huge oceanfront resort and there are many disasters -- natural and extraterrestrial. I grab a black and white terrier named Buddy, find Bean, and get the hell out of there.
8/31 - With Adam and Kelsey we're moving into a big house owned by Jason and Jolene that's part of a large compound in West Oakland.
9/5 - I spontaneously, thrillingly become a graffito, evading the police with stealth.
9/7 - Collaborating on a work project with Jarvis Cocker
9/8 - Sorry we made so much noise but don't insult my hair
9/9 - Part 1, going to a show in Austin with Jill Spear, eating white chocolate in the front row
9/9 - Part 2, chasing Bean through a museum, texting angry messages
9/10 - Hosting a party for people who get overwhelmed and leave. I watch a jellyfish documentary before emerging to host at last. Henry visits.
9/11 - "Well, then I'd have a fleet," says the handsome man at the movies, and his wife agrees.
9/13 - I'm a motorcycle stunt woman.
9/14 - I'm just going to go get a salad at the pub across the street and bring it back here for the meeting, but I run into Dominique and so I stay, and then others come by (friends' kids, Marissa and Andy) and so I stay, and I stay for so long that I miss the meeting and the pub is empty and the light is red and there's popcorn grease on everything so I grab a greasy paper menu on the way out (to remember) and go home, clean up, kiss Elvis, then go onstage to do a Johnny Cash song (because what's the point of remembering if you don't share?).
9/15 - I'm on a solo road trip but I need company so I stop in my old hometown.